I am a wine slob. That is not a typo; I enjoy wine in only the most chaotic, uncivilized of settings.
The problem is that I have never been much of a wine person. The posh decorum associated with wine culture has always left a bitter taste in my mouth. (With notes of baking spices.) The actual taste of wine also never appealed to me, though admittedly my palate is as sophisticated as a boulder.
But after years of avoiding the stuff, I have learned I was simply approaching wine wrong. Turns out, all it took to open me up to an entire booze genre was the right vessel.
The (deep breath) Yeti Rambler 10-Ounce Wine Tumbler with MagSlider Lid is a squat stainless steel goblet of unparalleled durability. It looks like the top part of a regular wine glass, minus the stem. Its teardrop shape is formed out of vacuum-insulated double walls that maintain the temperature of the liquid inside, just like your favorite travel mug. The tumbler is finished with a grippy matte exterior that makes you want to just cradle it in your hands. The plastic top fits snugly in the goblet’s mouth. A sliding lid lets you close all points of entry and egress for a spill-proof wine imbibing experience. It costs $25. At the time of this writing, you can choose between eight different colors. It is dishwasher safe and can take an absolute beating.
I understand that “this boy thicc” is not usually how you want to hear someone describe a wine glass. Traditional wine glasses are thin, elegant, and fragile. They telegraph the drinker’s sophistication. A fancy wine glass says, “I am classy enough to drink alcohol and not shatter the glass because it slipped out of my idiot hand.”
We cannot all be held to such a high standard. Some of us (I’m not naming names) have a propensity to drop or tip over drinks even in a state of stone-cold sobriety. At a fancy dinner party or tasting expedition, the act of drinking wine is an anxiety-inducing setup for almost certain embarrassment.
What I need is a cup that could stop a bullet. The Yeti Rambler 10-Ounce Wine Tumbler with MagSlider Lid exceeds my uncouth and exacting standards. I’ve flipped it upside down. I’ve dropped it, kicked it, drop-kicked it (as a test) and still only splattered the slightest of splotches across my various household rugs. Ah, but a normal wide wine glass lets the wine aerate, you say? That’s cool. I can aerate my grog by taking off the lid and swishing … or just chucking the tumbler across the room.
I accept that I am an uncivilized swine. I don’t know if I will ever fully appreciate wine, or be able to restrain a giggle when I hear the word “mouthfeel.” But I know that I will probably keep drinking it, anywhere and everywhere, as long as I have this booze-filled hand grenade.
The Yeti is for beach wine. It is for the bag slappers day-drinking sacs of Franzia in the park. It is for people with stone floors. It is for people with carpet. It is for anyone subject to the laws of gravity and cursed with inexplicably sweaty palms. It is for the ones who know, deep in their hearts, that wine just tastes better when you can safely take it on a trampoline.