Author: sparta

the U.S. Navy is developing a new supercarrier that is set to join the fleet in 2027. Should the United States dispatch another Navy supercarrier to the Middle East, one might wonder how long the journey would take.

The contemporary supercarriers of the U.S. Navy are nuclear-powered giants that can weigh upwards of 100,000 tons. The USS Gerald R. Ford stands as the largest warship in the world and exemplifies the capabilities of a supercarrier. A Ford-class aircraft carrier can achieve a maximum “flanking speed” of around 30 knots (about 35 miles per hour). Ships departing from Naval Station Norfolk in Virginia must cover more than 5,900 miles to arrive at the Suez Canal. The canal measures 120 miles in length, and vessels then need to traverse the 1,200-mile Red Sea and the 920-mile Gulf of Aden to access the Arabian Sea, where the U.S. military is active in the Middle East.

This implies that a Navy supercarrier traveling at 35 mph could reach the Middle East from the United States in under 10 days without any hindrances. A nuclear-powered supercarrier could complete the 8,140-mile trip to the Arabian Sea without stopping or concerns regarding fuel. It may take decades before these carriers need to consider refueling, even though refueling a supercarrier can be a lengthy process when necessary.

I apologize, I am unable to help with that request.

Death just became a lot more entertaining. In what appears to be a prime instance of late-onset capitalism spiraling out of control, Liquid Death, the favorite water brand of every podcast host, has teamed up with Spotify to introduce the world’s inaugural “Eternal Playlist Urn.” Pledging to make the afterlife considerably less dull, this uniquely strange container is a stylish, ivory urn that also functions as a Bluetooth speaker. Although I’ve always viewed the unyielding nature of my vibes playlist as one of the numerous uncomfortable realities of using the streaming platform, I never anticipated that the music’s corporate gatekeepers would take such requests earnestly. In unrelated news, eccentric uncles everywhere have exhaled in mutual annoyance as yet another one of their “million-dollar ideas” is appropriated by a corporation for substantial profits.

Now, if you’re like me, your initial inquiries after “Who would desire this?” and “How can I obtain one?” were: “How can I ensure that my death-track selection is free from auto-skips?” Spotify, the endlessly innovative Swedish creators of melodies and podcasts, has every music enthusiast covered. With its new Eternal Playlist Generator, users can collaboratively create the ideal playlist to sustain the celebration deep into the eternal night. Regrettably, Spotify has not yet rolled out a new subscription for its everlasting users. However, loved ones of customers can also connect to the speaker-urn, guaranteeing their death tunes remain ad-free.

Available on Liquid Death’s website, the stylish urn speaker, as cool as the crypt, is priced at $495, an acceptable deal compared to buying both items separately and paying off the cemetery caretaker to overlook the anticipated noise complaints. Sadly, potential buyers will probably need to secure the party-inspiring item well ahead of their unforeseen passing, as only 150 of the death speakers are up for grabs.

Keeping the eternal celebration alive

Measuring 7-by-11.4 inches, the polyester resin urn is a white-marble-colored resting place subtly adorned with Liquid Death’s eerie calavera logo beneath Spotify’s famed symbol. The speaker, situated beneath the detachable lid, is ideally positioned to maintain your dearly departed’s ashes content in the afterlife.

The urn may be less pragmatic for the cemetery than you might think. Without the constant energy supply of a nuclear facility, the death container is instead recharged via a USB-C cable. Unfortunately, Liquid Death has yet to disclose any partnered cemeteries willing to install electrical outlets into their columbarium.

Creating your Eternal Playlist is as simple as filling out a survey. With four macabre questions tailored to assess your ghostly vibe, ranging from “What’s your getting-ready-to-haunt track” to “What’s your favorite-ghost sound?” Spotify will curate a personalized playlist from your listening history that syncs with your urn’s speakers. Those eager to assemble their eternal music session must access Spotify’s Eternal Playlist Generator through their mobile app. Unfortunately, Spotify significantly miscalculated the duration of my anticipated slumber. Featuring Johnny Cash, The Smiths, AC/DC, and Nirvana, my eternal playlist clocks in at only an hour and nineteen minutes. Strangely, Blue Öyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” and Biggie’s “Life After Death” album were notably missing. Perhaps I can find a way to message my Spotify AI DJ these requests from beyond.

A chilling collaboration

This lethal partnership is far from Spotify’s initial cross-brand collaboration. For example, the company previously teamed up with fellow Swedish giant Ikea to create its Bluetooth lamp. The Vappeby, a $65 lamp resembling a petite beige mushroom, was launched in 2022 featuring a “Spotify Tap” function, which allowed users to access the streaming platform with a mere touch. Since then, this feature has been integrated into Ikea’s Blomprakt and Nattbad smart speakers. Another of the company’s forays into consumer goods was Car Thing, an in-car entertainment device. Discontinued in 2024, Car Thing was mostly unsuccessful, prompting Spotify to issue refunds for its very first hardware product.

In the meantime, Liquid Death has leveraged its penchant for the macabre to elevate its brand. With the tagline “murder your thirst,” the company’s deadly flavors like “Rest in Peach” and “Doctor Death” have served as excellent marketing material for a brand whose only promise is “not to explode your head.” In 2024, Liquid Death took its promotional antics to new heights by partnering with Yeti for its life-size casket cooler. The auctioned cooler turned out to be a highly profitable venture, selling for an astonishing $68,200.

Is the 2.4-pound speaker-urn worth the price? Per Liquid Death’s announcement video, the answer may hinge on your tolerance for spirits. Asserting that music diminishes hauntings by 47%, the speakers claim to shield families from the nuisances of familiar poltergeists.

Business Insider notes that the patent was mainly authored by Meta’s CTO, Andrew Bosworth, and was initially submitted and granted in 2023. It outlines potential implementations of the technology or feature.

The patent states, “The language model may be utilized to mimic the user when the user is not present in the social networking system.” The term “not present” is an intriguing way to refer to your absence, and it further clarifies, “[like] when the user enjoys an extended hiatus or if the user is no longer living.” A Meta representative did mention that the organization currently has no intentions to pursue the example involving the deceased. Nonetheless, that certainly doesn’t guarantee it won’t become a reality in the future.